finally, rest in peace, dad
12:58 a.m. - 10.21.02
i still can't talk about it, at least the way i want to. i even relapsed tonight and drank wine and smoked cigarettes. i thought that would ease me into it, or promt me into writing things i might not remember until tomorrow. i wanted to write everything about it. i wanted to start from square one, when i got the phone call from mom saying that dad was in the hospital. i saw him 12 hours before they pulled the plug. his head was taped shut because he fell smack dab on it. the tape was clear so i saw one of his eyes opened, his blue eye floating around in fluid. i saw the scar on his forhead. i saw the tattoo on his right arm which said 'no one has lived my life.'
my father was a cia military trained assasin. i don't have the time or the energy to go into wether it's true or not. that's partly why i had my breakdown 2 years ago. but it is true. wether or not it is true that he was followed for the rest of his life remains uncertain, though his doctors and family believe it. the VA told me he was just crazy, but then asked me if i could remember exactly what he told me.
when he was in nam and (i'm quoting from his va and psychological papers) 'after his usefulness had been exhausted, he was sent to a platoon of psychiactally disturbed, poly-drug addicted marines. word was leaked out that he was involved with the cia, which made the troop very nervous. an assisination plot was attempted, which he escaped from by pulling off a highly dramatic suicide attempt. he was discharged, which should have been on %100% disability, but, for some strange reason, settled for 50%.'
the last sentence should be paraphrased, but i can't remember it right off hand. but you get what happened. nothing gets leaked in the cia unless they want it to. they wanted the platoon to know he was cia. they wanted the platoon to be afraid that my dad was a spy against them, because of all the drugs and wierd shit they were doing to the prisoners (sodomizing, ear slicing, 'the wheel,' etc). because of this fear, they tried to drown my dad in a freshwater well. he got away, and found all his weapons and ammo were gone. he then nailed an ice pick through his head. my mom said dad said it was an ice pick, his brother says it was an ax.
either way, God bless America, and the Hell we are sending our children to. Border enemies need not apply, the military destroys their own men enough, thank you very much. may every defense stock holder sleep peacefully tonight. my father, and thousands of other vets never did. sweet dreams, mother fuckers.
finally, rest in peace, dad - 10.21.02
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