pragmatisim
8:32 a.m. - 07.19.03
i got the necklace on monday, but, if i would have known that i was going to go the the peace meeting two days later he wouldn't have had to send it at all. but,, i asked for it a week before and wasn't ready to see him and our friends two days later. oh well, i guess i was worth the $2 it took to send.
gianna and i called brandon to see if we were going to have a meeting, since we didn't hear anything or get an agenda. he didn't hear anything from the others, either. so we decided to have a scaled down meeting anyway.
the meeting two weeks ago became pretty divided. it was the first time in my life where i felt that i was the most conservative one in the group! the discussion that really separated us was police brutality. we are all against brutality, but the other half voiced that they are against cops in general, against any kind of leadership in general. they are anarchists.
some in the group are pretty young. it was funny to me and a few of the 'elders' that the kids who were standing up and screaming about the 'fucking cops' and 'we need to take more action' have never even lived on their own and paid rent and utilities.
the radicals didn't even show up on wednesday. there were just 6 of us. and the meeting was MOST refreshing. we discussed that the initial reason we even started this peace group was bcause the other movements and organizations in this city seemed to be too radical. how can Anyone say that they are for peace when they say that 'if it comes down to it, (they'd) shoot a cop or soldier?'
that's civilian brutality in my scope. peace with guns - now that's a laugh. then, how ARE they any better than the rest????
the 6 of us were glad they weren't there, and agreed that we would move in with our philosophy of diversity and peace. if they don't like it then they can stay in their respective activist groups where they came from anyhow.
we did discuss moe action, but not what the others were saying. we are volunteering at soup kitchens, recycling, clothing donations, and will be trained to register voters. we are also going to go to more music and poetry open mics as a group. plus, most importantly, we are going to volunteer for Dennis Kucinich's campaign.
it was cool to see brandon, and we finally felt at ease with eachother as friends. after we slept together - things were sickeningly tense.
i still don't understand what went on. this kid asked me out since march. even was so bold to hold my hand in front of everyone at one meeting. i pulled my hand away immediately, and told him that nothing could happen, since i was 32 and he's in his early 20's. i got speeches from him galore about how age didn't matter. i would come over to his place for the meetings and my poetry was magnitized to his refridgerator. we slet togeher, then he writes me tha he can't stomach the energy i was giving to him. he wants to be with somone that makes his heart flutter and skin tingle. he wrote me flat out that i didn't do that to him.
ok,,, so after a year of celebacy i fucked him like crazy, then was told tha he didn't want to sleep with me anymore.
ok,, so i took a week off and composed myself. then, late that night after the meeting. brandon, dave and i were just about falling asleep on brandon's deck, when dave said that i could crash at his place, so i wouldn't have to take the 30 minute drve home.
you should have seen brandon's eyes bug out - what the FUCK?
nothing happened with dave. we are just friends, and i just crashed at his place listening to a stones record on vynil.
pragmatisim - 07.19.03
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