cont. part 2
6:33 p.m. - 06.26.03
ok - it's time to be continued. i don't know how long this entry will be,,, i have a lot to say.
i looked over my past entry. there are a lot of mispellings. i'm sorry. i am dyslexic. this is one of the reasons i only usually write everything in lower-case -- it's easier to keep my thoughts in line. i try to correct my spelling, but it is hard to do it while i'm in the middle of writing, it derails my train of thought. i try to clean it up (which i do in my 'formal' formal letters of exchange). but on d-land, in my own journal and private space, i tend to get too lazy.
ok, where i left off last night ---
tom and i ran into each other at the hessler street fair, where i performed as feature peot for the yourht contest. tom was floating aroung the green party table and other activistic tables. we met, and sat on an elevated curb and talked while the sun went down.
he is a student and very involved with peace and other progressive affairs. his parents marched during the vietnam era. he is going to DC for a semester, starting in mid august. he found out how old i am, 32. he is only 20. we hugged for a long time when he had to leave and then he told me how he didn't think age was ever a factor. he gave me a shrug and 'eyebrow lift.' as he left. i was most scared and nervous.
tom walks around this city in a camoflage jacket, patched with peace butrons from the 60's, 70's and post 911 themes. he committed himself to a 14 day Iraq Fast - eating the equvalent of what the impovershed iraquis got (and still get) under the us sanctions: a 1/4 cup of beans, 1/2 cup of rice (daily), and a slice of cheese and some oil and 4 tea bags for the entire week. in just 2 weeks, he lost 8 pounds.
DAMN!!! where were those guys when i was in college during the first gulf war???? granted, i went to a VERY conservative private college. i had an invaluable education there, with some awesome professors. all my friends were awesome, but most of them never even cared about the war, much less had a peaceful opinion about it. most of the football players and the common joes wore t-shirst that said 'nuke saddam.' yea, that's peace...
brenden is like that too. a fantastic musician, he is also a student. about 21 or 22 - i can't remember. he has been one of the core members to organize 'peace jams' --- concerts and open mikes in the middle of downtown.
like me, brendan gets angry at local demonstrations when people get on the megaphone of mike and use lots of profanity to try to get across the peace message. we are both also against those who only want to champion the palestinian plight in isreal. i have good friends both palestinian and jews, and feel that it is a common problem, where both leaderships are at fault in halting the peace movement.
anyway, what i've tried to say, is that both of htese men have expressed an interest in me. brenden even went as far as trying to hold my hand and asking me out. i have told them both -- i'm 32. both have said that age doewsn't matter
quite honestly, i am the most comfortable talking with both of these men. they make me feel whole, on top f the world, lestedn to, and respected .... a LOT more than all of my daticng debacles combined.
i still have to write more about what happened last night. in fact, both 'saved' me from a spacey guy that got down on his knees and caresed my bare leg.
i shouted at him:
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!!!".
the guy was scared and mortified my his advance. good. i don't buy into spacey, drug -induced guys that spout off meaninglees peotry on their knees and caress my leg. i felt so violated.
tom was there when it happened. when i went ballistic, he didn't leave, while the jerk was trying to 'explain' himself. brendan walked in, and i told him what happened, right in front of tom and the jerk. brendan stood there nest to me seated, and didn't move his stare from the jerk. he finally took my hand and led me out to the patio deck, thankfully, because i was too scared to mopve by myself.
i hugged and thanked both of the men, brendan, who escorted me out, and tom, who witness the whole thing and went to check on me. both, or anyone else in the group at the party, knew what had happened to me 3 years ago and why i'm so guarded.
both didn't even need any explanation. they were both so nice and comforting.
i have to continure the rest of this another time,,, i'm reading tonight and have to get some stuff ready.
what i'm most vervous about, is that both tom and brendan are the ideal guys i would have wanted to meet and go out with when i was there age. but i'm at least 10 years older than both. both don't care. both are good friends. even if i get past the age thing, which i'm really not sure if i can (how the hell can i meet their mothers?), how can i ever get past them both gbeing equally terriffic, intelligen and sensitive, when i could only truthfully and purley go out with just one????
cont. part 2 - 06.26.03
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