odd things
4:09 p.m. - 07.02.03
here is one of the guys in question in comoflage
there is the other, the drummer:
tom is the camoflage guy and brandon is the drummer
here is a letter i just sent to a friend of ours who moved last month. she has asked me for updates:
7.2.03
ok - this is what happened last week at peace jam:
do you know jeff (jeffrey)? he's the older guy - a little spacey - i usually don't know if he's tripping or if he's just like that. i enjoy talking with him,,, but sometimes he's just a little too far-out. he started asking me if we could go out or meet up sometime. i started avoiding him.
i then started talking with tom in brandon's kitchen. most everyone else was out on the deck.
i think tom was espressing some interest in me, too --- ever since the hessler fair, where we hung out most of the day and alked. he gave me a hug and kind of lifted his eyebrows and shruged his shoulders. he is so super nice and super cute. damn, either brandon or tom would have been my dream boyfriends in college - where the hell were boys like that wen i went to college????? i guess it was my own fault - i went to ashland - very conservative. every guy there listened to garth brooks and most of them wore t-shirts that said 'nuke saddam' during the first gulf war
anyway, tom and i were having a very nice conversation. then jeff came into the kitchen, knelt down in front of me and started spouting off 'poetry' to me. i had a dress on and my legs crossed. the then took the liberty of running his hand down my bare leg ... suddenly i shouted:
DON'T YOUTOUCH ME!!!!!!
jeff and tom both froze. jeff tried to ge up my leaning his hand on my chair and i shouted at him again
DON'T COME NEAR ME. I DON'T WANT YOU TOUCHING ME. I DON'T WANT YOU LOOKING AT ME. I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING TO ME!!!!
tom started walking around the kitchen, glaring at him, then stood by my side.
then brandon came in to get ice. tom and i told him what happened. brandon put the glass down and closed the freezer and stood by my other side. i just kept siting up straight like a queen in a throne just staring at jeff. tom started walking around the kitchen again. then, brandon took my hand firmly and escorted me out onto the deck, and held me close. i was so nervous and scared i was shaking. tom then came out and geve me a hug and asked if i was ok. i was. and, i would have been if i was alone,,, but,,, i'm really glad brandon and tom were there. they made me feel safe.
please keep this confidential, but i was date raped 3 years ago. i didn't date anyone for 2 years. this year, i've tried to date, but can't get past 3 dates with any guy. wait - i went out on 5 dates with one guy - he holds the record.
when it was time for me to leave, i hugged brandon. i told him 'thank yo for a lot of things.' he said, "thank YOU for a lot of things." he then said 'we sould get together and do something, really" i nervously told him - ok.
tom walked me to my car. he hugged me and told me i was very cool. i told him he was too, but i'm 32. he kept saying with a smile - no, you are not 32.
is it terrible that i'm kind of liking both guys??? i'm really confused. actually, i think i'm too old to go out with either --- NOT that i think that they are immature... damn, they are both THE nicest, coolest, cutest men i have met yet!!!! i went out with a 46 year old man memorial day weekend. he was a misoginistic arrogant asshole. actually, as one can see from my 'single' status at 32, i have never met a guy my age that could really relate to me.
i think tom is cute and cool, but he's leaving for american u. in mid august, which really wouldn't make a difference to me, like you and rj IT IS STILL A SECRET WITH ME - THE 2 OF YOU - I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE, I HOPE THAT YOU CAN KEEP ALL THIS A SECRET, TOO - THANKS-- PLEASE DON'T EVEN TELL RJ!!!)
like i said, tom is cool, but,,,, there is just SOMETHING about brandon he has the best eyes and best smile. i hate to admit this, but i get little chills when he looks at me and he smiles at me.
i emailed brandon and said that if he wants to go out then let me know. he emailed me back and geve me his entire weeks work schedule. he's off on saturday after 4,,, so i think we might be going out then. and i will see him tonigt.
ok, so if i start going out with brandon, i'm nervous about the age thing. what would ou families say? i don't care that he's younger (actually, i forget when i talk with him), but i'm afraid of bringing 10 years of additional baggage into the mix. my rape, my vietnam vet father's suicide, lots of things. does he really need to be subjected to that? he is just getting his life started, and i'm trying to pick up broken pieces and get back on my feet.
it's very confusing for me.
thanks for your time and leting me vent. i hope to see you VERY soon. maybe i can host a peace jam dinner at my place when you come to town.
odd things - 07.02.03
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