how did THAT happen
4:06 a.m. - 05.01.02
dave called sunday night. it was so nice to talk with him. monday i emailed him that. we spoke for two hours. its been 22 or 23 months since i've last seen him. since i've had the courage to call. i had a good enough excuse, i guess - i found out that not only was my dad alive, but dying, but lived only a few miles from where i lived. hed been in town since '95. we'd thought he'd split after he got out of jail. at least that's what mom speculated after she put him there. and we always believed mom. we had too. i had to believe that she knew and was doing everything right, even if she may have thought the opposite. if one parent is the devil than the other parent has to be a saint.
then in one day i discovered so many things. like 'falling through the rabbit hole' -- and being bi-polar you REALLY feel like you can't go any faster.
the saint migt have been wrong. by no fault of her own, mind you, except perhaps protection. but he was in town, and he was dying.mom called me at 10 p.m. on 06.04.00. "it's bad, it's really bad" i did not think about dad at that first second. i thought about family. i thought about people we loved because mom was crying. it was dad. and he was WHERE? WHAT happened? he FELL from the second floor deck of the house head first onto the drive way? they are pulling the plug on him TOMORROW? we have until midnight TONIGHT to see him if we want. if we want?
oh my god, how did i get all on that subject. i have to admit it's one of the first times i have been able to write about it, so i did indulge while i was able to. i went with it. it just seems a little odd to me that i got to all of that by thinking about dave and him asking me what happened two years ago.
i left him 4 years ago; about the time it takes to go through college, or high school. i think i have learned a lot since then; however, i can't figure out how i initially wanted to talk about the day i walked out on him 4 yrs ago (because that is one of the DEEPEST things i have buried). i dunno - i'm nuts - do i really need to obsess over something else?
how did THAT happen - 05.01.02
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