not an excuse
9:09 a.m. - 03.14.03
my reading the the closing reception is tonight. man, i have lots to do. and, with the garage door frozen shut i don't know how i'm going to get things done: shopping for food for tonight, mailing out a pair of my levis for an auction winner, therapy appointment, and meeting with another writer.
i'm getting a little anxious - i usually do when i have to read my writing to more than 3 people. before the show i am also meeting with another poet that i have invited to read with me. i met her at an opening two weeks ago, she was on her way to the university to do her first reading. i couldn't believe it was her first - her poem was very eloquent. so, it appears that Arminta and i will be crossing this river together. somehow it seems a little less scary.
i sent my old boyfriend dave an invite through email. i told him i will not feel slighted if he doesn't show up. in fact i'd be majorly surprised if he did. the night of my first reading was the last night i saw dave during our very brief get-together.
it was a huge art benefit on a saturday night. i was supposed to read at 9:30. dave didn't show up until 10:15. a common habit with him with his usual excuse - 'i was busy.' i had a big problem with that when we were going out. not that he wasn't - i know that cinematographers pull 12 - 16 hours shoots. but, i believe he would use it as an excuse. in the year that we were dating, he completely went MIA on thanksgiving. even when he did take me to the Ritz for my birthday, he kept saying how he can't believe he tool 3 days off in a row, and how many projects he turned down, and how much money he could have made that weekend. was that supposed to make me feel special? once again, i felt in the way. we would also get into discussions about our future - he kept saying that he would go to LA, but i didn't want to go - i'd agree to san fran or nyc, so then we'd get into arguments that our relationship was stifiling hes career. well, almost 5 years later he is still here shooting commercials, complaining about the small industry here and how he has to take on all these commercial projects, and he can't find time to make his film. there was another place i was getting in the way - it was hard enough for him to do the commercial projects, much less do those, have a girlfriend, and do your film. well - to this day the film hasn't started.
i'm glad i'm not an excuse anymore.
not an excuse - 03.14.03
a>