doubts
2:07 p.m. - 12.29.02
let's see,
last night was a little rough. grandma witnessed another one of my infamous anxiety attacks. grocery shopping and having to get rain checks for sauerkraut didn't help.
i got real overwhelmed yesterday - i'm having doubts about the business. i feel like quitting. i know that is not rational right now. at least i don't think so. i just don't see us raking in the cash anytime soon. plus, if we get this product out, ken and i have to pay cash - around 5-600 bucks each - OUCH!!! that's why we are trying to place orders with retailers before we even place the order. i'm just not sure right now. but how am i going to get anywhere if i don't invest in something of my own? i don't want to be a quitter. it's a typical pattern with me: i start a project with zeal and after a few months i get sick of it and panick and quit. is this another one of those moments? or am i finally starting to be realistic about this? i was awake in bed most of last night asking myself what i should do. should i stick with this project with ken, or should i get out before i spend any of my MEAGER savings and keep my fingers crossed? should i spend more time trying to write some substantial stuff and really try to establish myself as a writer? or should i be selling the coffee cups?
who am i? who do i want to be? an art dealer or a writer? BOTH!!! do i want to focus all my energy trying to get work and publicity for my artist friends, or should i finally consider myself an artist in my own field and try to get work and publicity for myself? i know i can't do both now. so do i hold off on my 'dream' or do i sieze the opportunity in front of me and see how the cards fall?
doubts - 12.29.02
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