quite a dilemma
8:35 a.m. - 05.18.03
a letter i wrote to a friend
but real quick - dan - the guy who kissed me 2 weeks ago -- you can see him on my right in a photo for the 'orange closing' at http://moveartaudience.org.
we have been having a nice time chatting on the phone lately. he is so nice. he doesn't read or appreciate the music i like - plus he thinks bush is a good man because he prays. you can guess that i hold an opposite view. but asides that, he is really, really nice - sensitive and kind. he's going through a dep[ression now - so he hasn't been willing to go out. i really understand. we talk alot about art and how it deals with depresison. he likes talking with me.
now -- man - how do i even talk about this? this guy brandon held my hand wed. night. i met him through peace jam - the activist group i've been hanging with. he's a great musician, good writer - studying international affairs - intelligent, very passionate about liberal politics and human rights. very sewwt to talk with. he has always liked giving me long and full body hugs (not that i minded), but i always pulled away first. anyway, i really had to pull my hand loose after a second. he looked a little nervous. i told him that he says really cool stuff, but i'm 32. girl, i'm not sure his exact age, but i know he is either only 21 or 22!!!!
holy shit. we sat and talked for a bit more, with him friendly insisting that age doesn't matter when you feel very strongly towards someone. he really likes me. i realize that i have ignored some of his tiny advances in the future, and his many attempts to talk with me one on one. he feels so good talking with me. he said all of this.
he was the last one to hug goodbye. standing on the old wood balcony of his new (but old) apartment. we hugged a long time. as i was walking down the stairs i said goodbye, see you later ..
"tomorrow?" he asked with a questioning smile. i hesitated... 'ok on friday then' possibly refering to the art show i was going to be reading at. i read, he wasn't there. neither was dan. i had a feeling he wouldn't - he's been having a real hard time adjusting to paxil and not social.
damn - i went home kissless yet again. and last night i was so ready to be kissed i was tasting it all day. who would it have been? brandon or dan? maybe things happen for a reason and for right now the anser is: no one.
who should have i kissed though?
quite a dilemma - 05.18.03
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