dating decisions
9:05 p.m. - 11.25.02
i just refused a date tonight. i guess you could call it a date. johnny called. he's making rice and peppers, do i want to stop by? it was already 8:30. grandma and her friends are playing cards and i haven't taken a shower today. i asked him if we could see each other tomorrow.
i'm a little nervous about seeing him. i haven't seen him since the night grandma went to the hospital. on that night we kissed for a long time, and it was the first time his hands asked to touch my breasts. he cautiously traced them over my t-shirt. it was starting to feel nice. I had to stop. if asked me if i was comfortable. i was, i just knew it was time to stop.
johnny is intriguing. he's into a lot of sylvia plath. he's a slim, sexy italian artist. he's working on a huge drawing now and is also a TA at the art school, where he got his masters. he's a few inches taller than me. and his slim build is very attractive on him - especially with the 'scribble' tattoos he designed himself all over his back. but, i'm 20 pounds heavier than i am used to - i look pregnant when i'm naked - urrgh. i'm afraid we might weigh the same - fine for him - sucks for me.
we have played phone tag these past 2 weeks. i have been busy working with ken and getting grandma home from the hospital. but now things have slowed down. i don't know if i want to keep seeing him.
there are lots of reasons for me to keep seeing him: nice, intelligent, artistic, sexy, lives across from the donut bakery in little italy...
if i wasn't working with ken, then maybe i'd pursue it a little more. nothing has happened with ken at all. we are still toatlly business partners. we might always just be business partners, but i don't know that right now.
and, right now, because of that, i'm not sure if i should start something with another guy. if i spent more time with him, then maybe it would be an easier decision, but i don't know either one of them that well yet.
i don't hink it would be fair to johnny if i start making out with him and maybe eventually having sex with him, then feelings start coming up between me and ken.
ken and i talk every day, and see eachother often for meetings and stuff. mostly everything has stayed on business, but it has been so much fun. i know his past - he is divorced, too (like johnny), and has an 8 year-old son he sees 2 days a week. and, ken is very cute, too. he's a lot taller than me. i feel very 'small' when i'm next to him. it's nice. it's also nice to work with him. it's nice to be with a guy that looks you straight in the face and asks your opinion on a professional level. it's also nice that i'm getting to know him without the 'pressure' of dating. i have no idea what he thinks of me. but, since i have been wondering these things about him, and have felt so comfortable beeing myself around him, i think i should just be patient for now.
but, for now i am also going over to johnny's tomorrow. i think.
dating decisions - 11.25.02
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