who's counting?
1:46 p.m. - 05.03.02
i am so glad i went out last night. i was a little nervous. as soon as i got out of my car and heard the music thumpin' through i had a feeling it was going to be ok, regardless of who or who wasn't going to be there. the owners of the place are awesome people, and i did have a feeling that they would at least welcome me with a smile. i had worked there over a year, but i ran out in tears like a child and had to let her in on the mental illness and the date-rape part.
i opened the door and saw my replacement. the door chick had become a door guy, who actually is a regular musician at the place and workin' extra between gigs. we hugged and joked how it was wierd that we were on the opposite sides of the cash table. he was the first of what turned out to be many that night that asked "oh my God, where have you BEEN?" he is one of the few that kind of understood my reason for chilling the last 3 months. so he kind of understood when he asked me, ' so whatcha been doin' all this time?' and i just said 'nuthin'"
he said 'right on. you need to do nothin' sometimes'.
i saw more friends when i went inside. i guess if i didn't have so much anxiety about it, i wouldn't have been emotional about it, but i felt as if i walked into my surprise party. the workers and regulars all welcomed me with hugs and friendly questions on my whereabouts. some even thought i went off to europe again, because i was gone from the scene longer than when i did travel abroad.
it was great to see the old bosses. they said i was missed - very missed, and i should come back tonight, and i should come to their 4th of july party. they let me have full access to the place - even to smoke a joint in the basement with one of my friends who also works the door.
the guy is a decent dude and knows my fears about chris and guys in general. he walked me to my car - gave me a nice hug and another 'open invitation' he jokes about being 'next in line' whenever i want something more than friendship. it was another 'thanks but no thanks' from me - but he is a decent guy.
i called dave right before i left to go out last night. voice mail - he wasn't there - it's across town and he has been saying that he has commercial shoots for clients all week. but i thought i'd sieze the day and throw the option out there. it would be nice to see him in person again. i'm sure we will, i just thought that after 2 years of no contact due to my wishes, i'd be the first to suggest a social gathering.
i've been getting emails from the sailor and sent him one back today. he is leaving for europe again on sunday. hope he is going to be ok.
who's counting? - 05.03.02
a>