is the computer all right?
6:35 a.m. - 04.07.03
i've been afraid to write. since my saturday night.
i fear if i write it down, then nothing else will happen, it will just be one of those unattainable moments of bliss that taps on my shoulder and teases me, then leaves me confused alone again.
this was the 5th time we were to hang out. the other times have been after the peace meetings or a show at the tea house. he invites everyone over to his place after and i have been the last one to leave. we've been staying up late. he's made breakfast and pasta with his mom's meatballs and listend to music. we talk about peace and late 80's music, how we have the same blue racing jacket and other silly little things some might call ironic coincidence if they want to fall for that.
i asked him on wednesday, the meatball night after the meeting; where i was the only one who accepted his announced open invitation to his place for food and music. he hi-fived me when i accepted. we walked to his place. on our way we went into the donut shop. he ordered a few cookies and asked what i would like. i got a coffee and he gave me some of one of his cookies. and i shared my coffee. i called sat. evening and went to his place a few hours later.
he looked so good. nice pair of warn comfy jeans. great red shirt and his tan fitted jacket. cool tinted shades; and, that cap. that fantastic cordoury tan cap. no one looks better in a cap or beatnik black beret than he does.
it was the first night in almost six months i wore contacts. i straightend my hair out - it looked much like it does in the pic on this page (rather than how it looks dried natural and usual, like the pics in greece. and i have lost 5 pounds. i'm 145. i wore my black stretch jeans and orange scoop-neck ribbbed short sleeve shirt. black boots. i think i looked good. i fellt really good. the party was great. lots of friends i haven't seen since hibernation. dave was very receptive to all of my introductions. he ran into a few people too. he had to find the bathroom first thing. i saw some friends. he found me and had 2 glasses and handed me one. i thought that was rather gentleman like. i drove. he reached over to unlock my side every time. at one a.m. we tried a few nice club/restaurants for some food -- too busy, closed, no food after 1.
he made late night breakfast again. he asked me to stay. we hugged long and hard and he asked if i wanted to cuddle with him in bed instead of sleeping on the sofa. we cuddled in bed and through the entire OK Computer album in flannel cowboy pajama bottoms and t-shirts. my head got lost in his hands as he stroked my hair and held me close. i held his face and kissed his cheek slowly and he held a little tighter. we went to sleep and hugged goodbye.
and we still have not kissed.
did he not want to?
i'm really not sure what happened.
was that just the best date i ever had or an evening with a friend?
is the computer all right? - 04.07.03
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